IS COSA FOR ME?
We extend a special welcome to newcomers. We all remember how hard it was to take these first steps in the early days of recovery.
How do I know if I belong here?
If your life has been affected by compulsive sexual behaviour then you can find hope in COSA. It is suggested that you try six meetings before you make up your mind if COSA is for you.
Do you relate to some or many of our key identifying behaviours?
- Believe you would be happy if only the sex addict would change?
- Sometimes look at other families, imagine that they are “normal,” and wish your relationship could be happy like theirs?
- Feel pressured to become sexual with partners before you know them very well, or have you done so repeatedly in order to avoid abandonment?
- Become physically affected as a result of another person’s compulsive sexual behavior — have stress-related illnesses, STDs, have a baby or an abortion to fix the relationship, etc.?
- Engage in compulsive, self-destructive, or depressive behaviours to avoid your feelings?
- Sometimes feel crazy and have a hard time separating the truth from lies when talking to the sex addict?
- Feel immense shame about the sex addict’s sexual behaviors, that what the sex addict has done is a reflection on you or your family?
- Believe that if only you could help the sex addict with his or her pain, he or she would get better?
- Put the sex addict’s needs before your own?
- Feel happy when the sex addict is happy and doing well, and struggle when the sex addict is sad, angry, or struggling?
- Spend time worrying about where the sex addict is, who they might be with, what they might be doing?
- Spend time searching for clues to the sex addict’s acting out? Check personal space, computers, cars, bank records, phone bills, laundry for clues to the addictive sexual behavior of the addict?
- Find yourself hyper-focused on the sex addict’s level of recovery?
- Avoid ever speaking with others (close friends, a professional counselor, or sponsor) about your sexual behaviors or feelings?
- Focus more on another person’s sexual attitudes, beliefs, or needs than your own?
- Allow sexual activities with your partner that feel unpleasant, painful, scary, degrading or shaming?
- Withdraw emotionally, have your mind on other things during sex, or feel empty afterwards?
- Have less interest in and awareness of your own sexual needs and wants, than the sex addict’s sexual needs and wants?
Why do I have to come to meetings and work a programme when it’s someone else who has the problem?
When we come to COSA we have often hit our rock bottom. By attending COSA meetings we can find support from others who share our experience. If we work the Twelve Steps of COSA for ourselves, we will gain peace and serenity in our own lives. We will have clarity and be able to make healthy choices for ourselves. We realise we cannot find serenity if we continue to focus on someone else, so we commit ourselves to our own recovery.
If you decide that COSA is for you, then we welcome you with open arms. You are not alone. We are safe and anonymous.